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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 24, 2011 22:35:08 GMT
"Well, now you're down to more minor injuries, eating those heart-shaped things will probably help. The laws of 'Our crazy universe', as you put it, will probably assist you."
Now, as for Nimue.... "Xylia, have you a rope?"
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Post by jokester on Oct 24, 2011 23:08:05 GMT
The girl who may or may not be named Sam looks sadly at the heart-themed sweets in her hand.
"I guess... I can always go back for more," she nods. She swallows all but one of the sweets, replacing the last one carefully in the bag along with the five as-yet-unidentified but presumably confectionery-based brown objects.
A pulsing, soft-pink glow emerges from roughly where her heart probably is (it's best not to jump to conclusions), before suddenly spreading to encompass her whole body and disappearing as quickly as it appeared. For a second, there is the faintest smell of what might have been some species of Redwood (Yes, I am assuming you both have sufficient arboreal knowledge to identify Redwood by odour), and a few already-fading notes which, although you probably aren't able to identify this bit, would sound to someone who knew not entirely unlike the opening to the original version of 'Kids in America'. And a woman's voice, with a similar twang to the girl's own, but too quiet to make out any words.
The sickly look and the bullet-hole disappear completely, leaving only a few minor cuts and some general bruising.
"Ah, OK," possibly-Sam smiles. "What just happened?"
"Simple radiesthesian healing," Victor answers, emerging fully from the hold now, tossing and catching what, to give him the benefit of the doubt, we might assume is an invisible nanite. "Fuelled, I believe, in this case, by the Power of Love. One of the eight Inexplicable Cosmic Powers from which most Deus Ex Machinae draw their energy, the other seven being Hate, Friendship, Trust, Acting, Rock, Blood and Cheese. It happens."
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 25, 2011 0:16:37 GMT
"What my learned friend means is that you ate a magic healing item, and it restored your HP..."
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Post by jokester on Oct 25, 2011 18:22:14 GMT
"...oh, OK. I guess. So... wait, do we have anything on us that can be used to help that woman out there, or is somebody going to have to swim out in person or something?"
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Post by Snowfire on Oct 25, 2011 19:50:46 GMT
"...oh, OK. I guess. So... wait, do we have anything on us that can be used to help that woman out there, or is somebody going to have to swim out in person or something?" "First, I'd like to know where you got this," I hold up the teleporter, "and how you get it to work - in theory, not practice please. I'd also like to know what your actual name is, which universe you come from and a few other things that I'll get to later, if that's reasonable." I turn my head to look at Talhoffer. "Do I look like I have a rope here so-" A large coil of tightly woven rope appears in my hands, seemingly flowing out of the dress I'm wearing. "Ok...I guess Nicnevin likes to be prepared. Who knew." I toss the rope to Talhoffer. "Good luck. If it doesn't work, I may have a way around things..." I turn back to the girl.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 26, 2011 12:23:54 GMT
"Excellent, thank you." I tie one end of the rope to a railing and throw the other to Nimue.
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Post by jokester on Oct 26, 2011 13:50:42 GMT
"Ah... yeah, about that..." the girl swallows. "Uh... It's a long story, and probably not all that important. Uh... you... well, mostly people call me Sam if they have to. It's... it's short for Samaritan. And that thing... well, it's not mine, exactly. I'm just, uh, I just, like, got it. Sort of, unofficially. A couple of friends of mine - well, not even friends exactly; I guess I probably counted as the enemy of one of them, and the other... Well, I guess we ended up friends in the end... But the point is, I don't know everything about it, like, theory-wise. I guess you could say I've never been a theory kind of girl. I mean, I've looked at it, and I can work out - or guess - what a lot of the stuff in there does, but I don't know that I could explain it any better now than when I was half-dead... The Prof here said he knew about Strand Theory. Well, it uses that. There's a bit in there that, like, accelerates your, uh... the stuff that makes you up... to a more, like, meta level of, uh, reality. Provided it's on a Strand connection so it can soak up the energy - and then it kinda rides that energy signiture down the Strand or something. And since there are Strands everywhere, all you need to do is activate that one bit and it'll take you somewhere. And I think there's protection software that makes sure you survive the trip and don't come out somewhere dangerous. And to activate that bit, all you need to do is click the widgetmadoodle in the left pocket. And, uh, it appears you can make it ride other signals too, to function as, like, an in-universe teleporter. And, uh, if you change the settings on some of the other little widgetmadoodle bits, I think you can establish a sort of mental link with it, so it can read your mind and know which signal you want it to ride - only, I rarely use that, so if I'm honest I don't even know how it works."
Nimue grabs the rope and tries to pull herself up. She doesn't appear to achieve much. Talhoffer attempts to pull her up from the other end.
Wow.
She's heavy.
Too heavy, it appears, to move.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 26, 2011 20:15:38 GMT
Ah-ha! Mass cancellation time? There's an app for that.
I pull out my Phone and press the Mass Reduction/Cancellation Beam button, then point it at her, whilst tugging on the rope with my other hand...
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Post by jokester on Oct 26, 2011 20:39:14 GMT
The water around Nimue is whipped into the air by the tugging of the rope and, due to its sudden lack of mass, simply floats off until it is slowed to a stop by friction and left hovering in the air. Nimue herself remains immovable. Without so much of the water in the way, however, there is visibly a small fish with a sucker where its mouth should be, clamped onto Nimue's foot.
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Post by Snowfire on Oct 27, 2011 20:43:54 GMT
I spare a moment to ponder which god of which universe I pissed off to get this dropped on me, then sigh.
"Ok Sam." I say carefully, stepping away with the backpack. "I'm going to need to borrow this for a bit, and at present I'm not really willing to take no as an answer due to how important it is at this particular moment to saving most of the planet. And the process of life and death." I open the backpack and start looking over the controls in the pockets. "Ok let's see. I know these things have one of those somewhere..."
I'm looking for the bit that controls the targeting system. Or the mental connection part. Either/or would work at this point.
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Post by jokester on Oct 27, 2011 21:09:03 GMT
For reference, it was Itaki, Quasi-Mayan goddess of swordfish and coloured bits of string.
Sam raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Uh, yeah, saving the planet's kinda what I appear to be doing here. Well, helping to do. Believe it or not, I've got a little bit of experience in that general field. If I wanted to abandon you and who-knows-how-many-others to whatever freaky fate is trying to hit this whole bit of, like, creation, I'd have gotten the heck out of here as soon as I got that thing back. Why would I need to answer 'no'?"
Xylia runs her eyes over and through the unfamiliar technology. There's a lot of it, and some of it seems to be all occupying the same space and time - or the same space at different times - or some piece of space and time that doesn't actually exist. The centrepiece of the mishmash of unidentifiable tech is a single golden statuette, glistening oddly in the shadows.
In fact, it appears to be a cheerleading trophy.
Victor peers casually over the Vampire's shoulder.
"If it helps, that bit there's what allows you to recalibrate it to work on different signals," he says. "I believe it's currently set to ride phone connections."
He indicates what appears to be a dial torn off the front of a safe, connected to a small series of pins which are themselves all linked to something not entirely unlike a mobile phone. Xylia blinks at him.
"The human girl gave me a rushed set of expository instructions so I could use it to get out of the New Kingdom in a hurry," he explains. "And apparently, I'm a fast learner. The little switch there will set up the mental connection, I believe, provided you're concentrating on it doing so at the time." He indicates a tiny black switch set into a small blue box in an inside pocket.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 28, 2011 1:33:08 GMT
I stab the fish. Repeatedly.
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Post by jokester on Oct 28, 2011 15:46:49 GMT
Talhoffer hurls hims- hers- itself from the deck, sword in hand, the water around him warping into kaleidoscopic patterns as the phone he/she/it forgot to put down before jumping continues attempting to cancel mass while on the move. He lands, sword-first on the little fish attached to Nimue, and the sword goes straight through the thing, tearing it efficiently in half. One half sinks back into the water, while the other remains attached to Nimue, who is now suddenly able to move.
As Talhoffer and Nimue attempt to swim back to the boat, they become aware of a swishing noise behind them. Talhoffer ducks his/her/its head under the water and finds it swarming with these little fish - and a large proportion of the swarm is now headed for them...
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 28, 2011 18:28:28 GMT
I (who am at present male) turn and slash at the swarm. I also reverse the polarity of my App and increase the mass of the water just in front of the fish.
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Post by jokester on Oct 30, 2011 0:11:46 GMT
Talhoffer's strike bisects or otherwise inconveniences closing on a quarter of the swarm. The rest are swiftly dealt with when the reversing of the polarity of a mass-cancelling ap turns out to create a black hole. Who knew?
You no longer have to deal with a cloud of ridiculously-strong fish. You do now have to deal with a black hole.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 30, 2011 12:00:41 GMT
A black whole who's mass I can easily cancel, yes...
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Post by jokester on Oct 31, 2011 15:01:51 GMT
If you have enough time to reset the polarity of your app before you spaghettificate, particalise and get crushed into an infinitesimal point of ludicrous gravitational power from whence not even light nor heat may ever escape... yes.
However, I should warn you that, for narrative-causality-related reasons, manipulation of application polarity takes significantly longer than theoretical conversation with a seemingly-omniscient and mildly-sadistic expository voice in your subconscious.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Oct 31, 2011 23:02:36 GMT
But there's a big button on it! Right there! And it's red! ... Alas.
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Post by jokester on Nov 2, 2011 17:42:47 GMT
In a bout of heroic willpower-induced superspeed, Talhoffer manages to push the button and cancel the black hole.
The churning water returns to normal before it's really got started; the overbearing pull on everyone and everything dramatically fades before it has time to suck anyone in.
However, the phone app, being now a Deus Ex Machina Reverse Polarity Rule Of Funny Big Red Button Ass Pull Applied Phlebotinum crammed into a relatively minor plot point, passes Trope Critical Density and implodes.
Making... nothing. It simply vanishes in a sparkly cloud of music. Talhoffer and Nimue reach the boat and clamber aboard.
Victor frowns, pulling a small device from his pocket and checking it.
"How odd... I do believe something mysteriously quantum just happened. Well, only to be expected in the world's current state. Which reminds me - Nimue!" He turns to the blonde woman standing, dripping slightly, beside him. "We have to get back to Everroyal - the New World Order has a world in desperate need of new ordering!" He glances over, sees Xylia, and swears, slapping himself in the forehead.
"Don't mind me," Xylia smiles sweetly. "Just you keep on expounding your secret plans like I wasn't here."
Nimue frowns, but sighs it off.
"You don't need to tell me," she says, taking Victor by the elbow. "Albion's in utter chaos. She glances towards Xylia and Talhoffer, then over to Sam, who is massaging her forehead and frowning. "Changelings," she hisses. "Generations of them. Dishwasher bitches were prepared. Luckily, they all got recalled just as I was trying to get out. Oakenshield released the Iron Sentinels."
"With the crusaders attacking the New Kingdom, that just leaves Oaky and the weird monster things as the only nations not currently going under," Victor notes. "We'll have to work quickly."
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Post by Snowfire on Dec 6, 2011 18:18:29 GMT
"Or you can trust a plan made by someone considerably smarter than you - not me by the way - and work out a way to get me to the Stones." I interject with a cheerful smile. "Considering we have at least two teleporters here, I think you could arrange that before going off on your ordering spree."
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Post by jokester on Dec 6, 2011 18:46:36 GMT
"Stones, huh?" Victor muses, scratching his chin. "Like, in Fairyland? Could be problematic... that much magic and quantum all in one place tends to skew calculations something awful. Could be interesting to try..."
"I might be able to help some," Sam chips in. "If it'll fix at least some of this mess... Who is this cleverer person?"
"Oh no," Nimue insists, shaking her head. "No time. We've wasted enough time already. Enough time and enough lives. The rest of the Order are waiting for us and we have to get there now, before there's another delay. The Impartial Ruler is the only one who can show us the way out of this now."
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Post by Snowfire on Dec 6, 2011 19:15:45 GMT
I shoot Nimue a look of disdainful exasperation. "Look princess, regardless of how much I'd love to trust you, I can't really say I do. Not with things like 'New World Order' flying around where your affiliation's involved. And believe me when I say that time, at least in this case, is relative.
"More to the point, getting me to the Stones will quite probably reverse the polarity of the flow of magic throughout the Fairy race and send it back to Fiddler's Green - which is a good thing for anyone who has lost family due to this war." Inside my mind, a small, simmering border dispute erupts into a full scale conflict as the connotations of that action - which I've known for a while now, but not really thought about - hit me. There's a short pause, just enough to be noticeable, and then the side of me that trusts the Doctor reaches around and taps the oh-god-that-could-wipe-out-my-entire-race part that's causing all the noise on the shoulder. It promptly falls into a fitful sleep and I turn my attention back to the conversation I'm meant to be having.
"Look, the Impartial Ruler worked for a while. But it was a flawed system, like any one that puts that much power in a single being's hands." I sigh. "Truth be told, I don't much care how this planet governs itself. I just want to stop you killing each other. And to do that, I need to get to the Stones. Also," I switch my gaze to Sam, "that clever person I mentioned, he's called the Doctor. You may have heard of him." I wink at her before moving on to Victor. "I'd certainly welcome your assistance if you're willing to give it. You've got a gift with improv science, or so it seems."
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Post by jokester on Dec 6, 2011 20:03:50 GMT
Nimue's eyes darken - and, if one looks closely, actual flames seem to appear inside them.
"All right, Little Miss Nightshade, let me clue you in on a few much-needed points that seem to have escaped your oh-so-pale-and-gothic blood-sucking head, yeah? Number One: You have no idea what the Impartial Ruler system even was."
"Nimue," Victor says, warningly, and a little nervously.
"No, shut up, Victor. I'm not telling her anything that goddamn matters any more; I'm not nearly that stupid. The fact is, Tall Dark and Vampsome, that the only real flaw with what we had before was that there are way too many idiots like you who think they can solve everything on their own with some hair-brained personal adventure to overhaul everything. Tell me, did this 'Doctor' fellow tell you how exactly what he plans is supposed to stop people dying? Cos believe me sister, if there is a better plan than what we have, I would sure as Hell like to know how that's done. My order and myself have sacrificed more in the name of keeping morons like you alive, along with everyone else, than anyone else will likely ever know."
"Nimue!" Victor shouts, trying to step towards her and failing epically because his self-preservation pulls him away instead.
"Shut up Victor! I have had it up to here with the sh*t this goddamn world is conspiring to put me through! To put us all through! I didn't pledge my f*cking soul to Odjjob to watch the f*cking world burn a-f*cking-round me! Which brings me nicely on to Point Number Two: time may be relative for you, but it isn't for me and it isn't for the people out there dying because they all think their plan is cleverer than everyone else's! Now godsdamn it, I can't say for sure that the Magic Doctor isn't genuinely the cleverest man on the goddamn planet, and maybe if we all blindly followed him like the brainwashed disciples that every f*cking person in this reality seems to f*cking be, things really would turn out for the best. But sorry there, because that just isn't a risk I'm willing to take after everything I've done - and in addition to that, we don't rely on single mysterious strangers for the fate of the world around here. The Order has a policy against putting that much power in one being's hands."
She turns away, trembling, her fists clenched so tightly that her long nails draw blood. Xylia immediately gets hit with an urge to leap at her and bite off her hand. She doesn't quite manage to reign it in on time.
Victor and Talhoffer have had enough experience with Vampires to react in time, grabbing her by the arms and hauling her back. Victor leans down to peer into one of her pupils and nods clinically.
"Double dose, direct application to the forehead," he concludes. Talhoffer obliges by punching Xylia in the face, shocking her back into control of herself.
Sam simply stares at the unfolding drama in calculating horror, occasionally trying to break in with some calming comment and being drowned out. Eventually she gives up and emits a piercing scream that causes everyone to momentarily recoil, and also, in accordance with the universal laws of comedy, shattering what was left of the boat's windshield with a popping sound.
"Guys," she says, immediately after stopping. "Fighting like this isn't going to help anyone any more than following any plan. For pity's sake, if we're going to waste time anyway bickering then we might as well waste it more productively by talking things over in a cool and rational manner. I know I don't belong in any of this - I'm not even part of this universe - but I want to help it almost as much as any of you do and I actually have the technology to do so over here. Now. I'm guessing we all have questions at this point, so I'll kick us off: This... Doctor. There are a lot of people in a lot of universes with that name. But... one of my fr- one of my acquai- a guy I knew back home was a big fan of one in particular, and I know that... well let's just say he wasn't the only one. A lonesome traveller who fell from the sky to save the day everywhere he went. If you're telling me that this is the same guy... then I'm in."
Nimue's trembling dies down. Nobody is in a position to see her face right now, so it's impossible to tell what she's thinking or feeling. And then suddenly she speaks, softly, almost to herself:
"Wait. Sh*t."
She spins around - her face has now reverted from Archdemon Fury On The Verge Of Nervous Breakdown back to Kinda Cute Human Fortysomething Woman, albeit a particularly worried KCHFW.
"What the hell's Fiddler's Green?"
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Post by Snowfire on Dec 6, 2011 22:44:41 GMT
"It's him." I reply to Sam, somewhat calmly after being punched in the face twice. "I brought him here around the point everything hit the fan." I sigh. "The point we were at, we needed someone like him. And I could bring him through." I cock my eyebrow at Nimue, and then blink in surprise. "Wait, you don't kn-of course you don't. No one except those who end up there know...and they usually don't make it any further..." I trail of slightly, before wincing and swearing softly.
"Ok. The Stones, as you know, are the source of the Fairy race's magical power. Fiddler's Green is the pocket universe where that power comes from, except that it doesn't supply that power passively. Fiddler's Green, you see, is also where you go when you chose to die. I think it was meant as a sort of waiting room between life and death and...I don't know, something else maybe. " I shrug "The Doctor could explain it better...as could Joanna for that mat-" I stop suddenly as I realise I'm rambling. "Sorry. But the Green has been...twisted somehow. I don't really want to know how it was done, but someone, somewhere put the other end of the Stones in there and sealed off the 'natural' way out.
"So people pile up. They pile up and then get pulled into the Stones and turned into the magic the Fairies use when they get too close." The last sentence comes out all in a rush. "I...I managed to get out by punching a message out of the Green to the Doctor - although not without a lot of help." My eyes come up to meet Nimue's, burning with an inner fire very alike to what she exhibited not so long ago. "The only way to save the people who helped me, and the soul of every person who dies from now until nothingness, is for me to get to the Stones. And I flat out refuse to leave them there to be turned into another strand of magic for the use of Titania and her ilk!"
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Post by jokester on Dec 6, 2011 23:24:57 GMT
Nimue turns wordlessly to Victor. Victor swallows, his usual demeanour of not-being-all-there temporarily gone. He nods. She turns to Talhoffer - who just shrugs; this is news to him as well. He never went to Fiddler's Green. He's never technically died.
"Maeve never said," Nimue breathes. "Maeve didn't know," Victor replies quietly. "How much did you know?" "Only what it was like. Not what it was for. Not what it did." "Didn't you tell her?" "We don't tell anyone. Well, only... nobody who isn't Undead. Only the people who'd understand."
Nimue nods slightly. She looks to Xylia, and checks her watch. The watch, of course, doesn't work right now, and may never do so again after how long she's spent underwater.
"OK," she says. "We can afford one detour. I signed up for Hell, expressly so that no-one else had to." She holds out her hand, palm downward. "Let's say we all go to Fairyland, help this Doctor man take out Titania's abomination, and then we immediately all go to Everroyal, meet up with the rest of the Order, get into the palace and fix the world. No more delays."
Xylia steps forwards and places her hand on top of Nimue's. "I can agree to that." She replies softly. "But dealing with the Stones will have consequences. And those consequences may need to be dealt with before I, at least, can join you. I would have you know this" She sighs. "I'll give anything I can but in the end, if the Doctor needs me, that outweighs just about everything."
Nimue's mouth tightens, but she nods stiffly. "Very well. As long as your Doctor does not impede us, we can leave you behind briefly... assuming we have the transporter device."
She looks to Sam, who smiles weakly and waves a hand as if to say 'Just a minute'. She visibly prevents herself from vomiting twice. On the third go, she fails, and hurls over the side of the boat, before turning back around with a slightly-manic smile.
"You got it. I think I maybe found the good guys here. Finally." She grins forcibly and claps her own hand on top of the other two.
Victor smiles, steps forward himself and adds his hand to the pile. "For Maeve," he says simply, "if for no-one else."
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Dec 6, 2011 23:32:56 GMT
Am I the only one seeing the crucial point here? As stated, we have TWO teleporters. and TWO objectives. We could, you know, split up and do both?
I suggest me and Xylia go to deal with these stones, whilst Sam takes you NWO Agents to meet with your buddies...
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Post by Snowfire on Dec 6, 2011 23:37:42 GMT
"If nothing else, I think she knew before the end." I say sadly, then at Victor's look. "Because I'm pretty sure it's her voice that's in my head telling me to get to the Stones." I shake my head then smile slightly, an edge of something very close to insanity blending through the grin.
"All right then. Sam? I need your help with your teleporter. As I'm not sure if what I'm about to ask it to do is technically within the safe operating procedures list for these things." I pause, trying to work out exactly how to explain what I'm about to try to do. "All right, putting it ridiculously simply, there's an artificial connection between Fiddler's Green and the Stones in Fairyland that this thing," I indicate the backpack, "can theoretically tap into.
"What I want to do is effectively ride the strand connection down into the middle of the Stones - or pretty close to them - and then...then do whatever I have to do." My voice catches slightly on that last, the fitful part of my mind stirring in its slumber. "True Talhoffer, we could split up. But I'm not sure I want to walk - or teleport mind you - into Fairyland without as much support as I can take with me. It's not a particularly nice place to people who aren't meant to be there, and considering what I did to Peaseblossom, I doubt I'll be seen as someone meant to be there..."
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Post by jokester on Dec 6, 2011 23:45:44 GMT
"Not to mention your track record at accurate teleportation, H," Victor adds.
Sam looks doubtful. "I can get it to take you safely down the strand easily... if we can get to the Strand. That ideally means getting my backpack into this, uh, Fiddler's Green... which, if Fiddler's Green is the afterlife, is gonna be an interesting one. In theory we might be able to jury-rig it to punch through the void from a parallel Strand, but I have genuinely no idea what kind of strain that would put on the, um, everything."
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Dec 6, 2011 23:49:35 GMT
"As an expert in putting strain on the everything, I can state that the everything is a very malleable substance. So long as the strain is less than the force of 10.6754* exploding universes then we should be fine."
This is known as Adlebaurgs Number, and is used in all calculations to do with Universal stress. And one to do with apple pie, for some reason.
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Post by Snowfire on Dec 7, 2011 0:01:31 GMT
"Well, there's that or we try going through the OtherGate. Which is further away, but possibly slightly less obvious." I shrug. "Any further out and we start running into problems regarding getting to the Stones before large numbers of armed Fairies converge on us."
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