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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 3:44:39 GMT
...and you just lost it.
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 3:47:43 GMT
"Ok. And why is that?" asks Talhoffer. Jim-Lad sighs and jerks his head at Xylia and Tink.
"We can't have them on board, sir. We just can't. It aint their fault, o course, but, well, it be the sea, y'see. It has to be respected. Ye doesn't let women on board sir. I mean, we be all in favour of multiculturalism round these parts, but, well, there are limits."
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 18, 2011 3:52:11 GMT
"But... You've got one! Right there!" [point at figurehead]
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 3:54:00 GMT
"Ah, she be not aboard, sir!" Jim-Lad explains happily. "She be technically under the boards!"
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 18, 2011 3:55:00 GMT
"So, Xylia... Fancy hanging off the rails?"
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Post by Snowfire on Feb 18, 2011 4:01:40 GMT
"I'd rather not." I sigh for a second and then grab my illusions, reversing my apparent gender in a flash of soft light. "There. Will that work?"
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 4:22:42 GMT
Similar silence to before.
"Oh for pity's sake!" Kapn exclaims. Jim-Lad sighs.
"Ok, ok. On ye come." He points at Tink. "Except you. Ye can just... fly above or somethin'."
He clambers the ladder, and Kapn ushers you both up before following himself.
"Jim-Lad!" shouts a deep, West-Country accent. A larger pirate, as stereotypical if not moreso that Jim-Lad, stalks over to you. He appears to have a fake wooden leg. And a fake hook hand. And a (presumably real) eyepatch. And a big black hat with a skull on it. And,of course, a seriously badass beard. "What be goin' on? Who be these lubbers ye've dragged up?"
"T'is a group o' stranded persons, Cap'n," Jim-Lad replies. "They wants us to ferry 'em back to Albion, or somesuch."
"Indeed?" The Cap'n raises his bushy eyebrow. "Well... they be in luck. We just recently lost our only Undead to a crocodile, and our only dwarf to a chartered accountant. Ye however," he adds, jabbing at Xylia with his hook. "What be ye that ye can contribute to either our multicultural status or our treasure hordes?"
"Er... what?" Wotri the dwarf breaks the silence. "Who are you? What's going on?"
"This is Cap'n," Kapn explains. "He's our leader, I suppose, and he's very big on equal opportunities. So, we've made ourselves the most multicultural ship on the seas. We've got one of everything somewhere on the Milly."
"Wait..." Wotri frowns. "I thought you were Kapn?" "Oh, no no no no. I'm Kapn. As in K-A-P-N. He's Cap'n, as in Cap-tain. That there," he adds, pointing to a scraggly looking cat on the deck nearby, "is Cat'n. The ship's cat." "Why d'we got a cat?" Cap'n demands. "I'm allergic to cats!" "Keeps the rats at bay." "And... why d'we got rats?" "Keeps the weevils at bay." "And... why d'we got weevils?" "Cook says it's tradition." "Oh. Course. Very well. Kapn, from now on, the cat be your responsibility."
Kapn thinks for a sec, then boots the cat overboard.
"Right," Cap'n nods. "Now the rats be your responsibility." He turns happily, and sees Tink. His eyes widen, and before anyone can react, he's crossed the space between them and rammed his hook up against the flying girl's throat.
"What be ye three doin' cavortin' with this minx?" he demands.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 18, 2011 4:27:04 GMT
"Oh, you've met?"
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 12:40:15 GMT
"Aye, we've met. Ha-haar," Cap'n growls, stalking across the deck and pushing Tink through the air with the hook as he does so. "This one be very familiar amongst pirates o these waters. O any waters, I'd imagine. She be trouble, this one. Just ask me cousin James - 'cept ye can't, cos cousin James be dead."
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 19:15:00 GMT
Oh, by the way, Xylia just got hit by the Tiend.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 18, 2011 20:23:21 GMT
Tiend?
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Post by Snowfire on Feb 18, 2011 20:46:36 GMT
"Tithe: The tiend. -10 from magical energy" Amusing fact, by the way that's written it does absolutely nothing. Due to the fact that there's no stat called "magical energy". Just saying y'know Now, where was I. Ah yes. There. "Sir, she's currently a business associate of mine. I can understand your anger, but please, I need her. Alive."
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 18, 2011 21:14:49 GMT
Oh yeah, that.
Perhaps a compromise? Maybe... a cage?
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 21:39:45 GMT
Amusing Fact: You were just struck by comedic lightening. The gods do not suffer pedants gladly.
"Ha-HAAR, but if we puts her in a cage she'll be aboard, won't she? And then we'll be callin' on the wrath o the sea!"
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Post by Snowfire on Feb 18, 2011 21:55:15 GMT
Hey, you would have done the same and we all know it Regardless. I grab the fabric of my illusions again and wrap them 'upwards' giving myself a layer of invisible matter to stand on. For all intents and purposes, it looks like I'm levitating. "And if I make the cage do this?" I ask, gesturing at the several inches now between my feet and the deck. "Would that suffice?" [Also, *lightning]
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 22:06:05 GMT
No, no, no. You were struck by comedic lightening. You are now less heavy, to the extent that it's actually funny.
The Cap'n stares at the space beneath your feet. Slowly, he lets off the pressure on the hook, loops it over Tink's head, and pulls her back to the pair of you.
"Perhaps. If you give me some incentive."
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Post by Snowfire on Feb 18, 2011 22:11:07 GMT
Does this mean I could actually fly properly with my solid illusion wings? "Fifty gold pieces?" I ask diplomatically.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 18, 2011 23:11:06 GMT
"I think I have some doubloons in my bag..."
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Post by jokester on Feb 18, 2011 23:28:15 GMT
Depends whether or not the gods would find that comedic.
Cap'n frowns thoughtfully, and turns to the men behind him. Jim-Lad shrugs and nods. Kapn smiles and also nods, more enthusiastically.
"Very well," he concedes. "Do it. And welcome to the crew. Ha-HAAR!"
"He says that rather a lot," Kapn contributes.
"Jim-Lad!" Cap'n shouts. "Fetch us a cage!"
"Uh... I'm not sure we has a cage, Cap'n," Jim-Lad says. Cap'n narrows his eyes.
"Someone find us a cage!" he demands.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 19, 2011 0:00:53 GMT
"I might have one of those in my bag too.
... Don't ask."
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Post by jokester on Feb 19, 2011 15:00:06 GMT
Talhoffer produces the cage and hands it to Cap'n. Cap'n places it on top of a nearby Inexplicably-Placed Crate (tm) and looks at Xylia. Xylia performs an upward-shift on the appearance of the cage, making it appear to be floating. Cap'n flings Tink inside. Tink, who at no point signed up for this, protests loudly in every way she can. Xylia is brought to her knees, instinctively raising a hand as if to try and shield her head.
She struggles to get up again, as if she were close to death and her body just couldn't put up with it any more. She loses her grip on her illusions and they start to flicker and haze. The pirates instinctively back away, some of them drawing weapons.
"Does he normally do this?" Cap'n demands.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Feb 19, 2011 19:13:34 GMT
"I don't know! I only just met him! Umm... Ok, Mr. Xylia? Can you hear me? Tell me what's wrong."
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Post by Snowfire on Feb 20, 2011 14:53:27 GMT
"F**king telepathy." I grind out over the incessant tinkling in my head before shooting a glare at Tink. "If you want to die you can keep on protesting. If you don't I'll kill you myself! That, or you leave." I grasp the handle of one of my smaller weapons and pull it free from my satchel. A spark of magic activates it and my eyes harden as a faint whine rises out of the weapon. "Choose."
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Post by jokester on Feb 20, 2011 15:36:28 GMT
The tinkling stops, but somehow the crushing silence that replaces it is worse. Tink folds her arms and glares. The telepathy is currently gone, but everyone around manages to work out what she would be saying if she could:
I'm in. A f***ing. Cage.
"Well," Cap'n announces happily. "Seems we be suddenly all agreed on this wench's place on the ship!"
And with that he whirls around, catching the cage in his hook and flicking it into the air. The sprite inside screams - or at least tinkles very loudly and at a very high pitch - as she is forced to fly at just the right velocity and angle to avoid being struck by the iron of the cage as it whirls through the air in a wide arc, hits the surface of the water a short distance away and sinks.
For a second, there is silence everywhere. And then a second burst of telepathic tinkling suddenly hits Xylia very hard in the brain.
Aw sh*t.
The shock from this last pulse breaks something in her brain, and it dies. Her illusions disappear entirely, revealing the freaky-ass fairy beneath. The pirates express varying degrees of abject shock.
"What is that thing?" Kapn asks. "I don't know!" yelps Jim-Lad. "Be it a woman?" Cap'n demands worriedly. "I don't know!" repeats Jim-Lad. "Is it dead?" Kapn asks. "I... don't know," Jim-Lad says.
I must request that for the next indeterminate amount of time you return to your personal boards, being at least temporarily separated by the barrier of death.
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Post by jokester on Mar 5, 2011 21:59:53 GMT
Xylia's eyes flicker open. She's in a crystalline coffin in a very cold room, surrounded by pirates. There are three faces gazing down at her: a tiny pirate boy, looking a bit confused; Talhoffer, looking slightly impressed, and a furry hobgoblin, looking a tad displeased.
"You'd better have brought Tink with ya," he says, warningly. Xylia looks down, and sees her own hands folded over her chest. She removes them. Tink is inexplicably beneath, staring at her with something like glad cynicism. She tinkles.
"She says if any of you kill her again she'll personally rip apart their three favourite organs," the kid says.
"Wait," Jim-Lad says. "You understand her?"
"Uh... yeah," the kid says. "Doesn't everyone?"
Xylia sits up, and replaces her male illusion. She checks her Skittles bag, and finds to her relief that it is indeed Skittles again. She eats one, just to check.
Large wings of fire suddenly burst out of her back, setting light to the crate of ice cream sandwiches behind her. A collective cry of fear goes up as the precious ice cream sandwiches melt away. Then the wings die down and eventually disappear.
Tink looks from the Skittles to Xylia and back. She tinkles.
"...that's new," the kid translates.
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Post by Professor H. Talhoffer on Mar 5, 2011 22:10:02 GMT
"Welcome back, kiddo."
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Post by jokester on Mar 5, 2011 22:35:48 GMT
Talhoffer just got hit by decomposition, and his resilience has dropped by 10.
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Post by Snowfire on Mar 5, 2011 22:36:46 GMT
I blink for a second as the wings fade into nothingness and then smile. "Interesting...wasn't sure if those would stick around." Sorry about that, Tink. Truly. You better? I ask the sprite gently as I sit up gingerly. As to the wings, I thought they took more out of me than they should have. I look round, my eyes flitting over the hobgoblin. "Didn't think I'd be able to evade you forever," I mutter before turning my attention to the crew. "Sorry about your sandwiches, I didn't realise that would have that effect. Thank you for keeping me safe." Finally I turn my focus to Talhoffer. "Anything interesting happen whilst I was out?"
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Post by jokester on Mar 5, 2011 22:55:26 GMT
Tink tinkles.
"Uh," says the kid, turning to Xylia. "She says she'll consider forgiving you some time when she's less distracted."
Tink flits from Xylia to the furry hobgoblin, burying her face in the fur of his cheek. He raises a hand and strokes her with one long finger.
"Nobody evades me for ever, Toots," he mutters to Xylia, before turning to the circle of pirates. "Probably time ta introduce myself to all you lovely fellas. Hod Peridiolum Carrier, at your service. Only not really. I seem to have gathered you've already met Tink, my partner. And Toots here is technically a colleague of mine, although I'm not sure either of us are exactly doing our jobs right now."
"Arr, the sandwiches be ok," Cap'n says regretfully. "But ye be the one who has to explain it to the quartermaster."
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Post by Snowfire on Mar 5, 2011 23:11:53 GMT
I push myself out of the coffin, stumbling slightly as my cold muscles are forced to move suddenly. I throw out my hand and catch the hobgoblin's shoulder. "Sorry about leaving you, it's just...well." I shrug helplessly and sigh. "Prejudice that should have been long forgotten I guess. I apologise. And the name's Xylia, although I doubt that'll change anything..." I trail off with a slight grin.
"I guess that's fair, Captain." I continue.
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